LONELINESS IS NOT A BUG. IT IS A FEATURE
Why being single is the only way to prepare for a relationship that doesn’t end in divorce
The Stat “It is not good for man to be alone...” but the divorce statistics look brutal. The numbers are climbing. Many people are dealing with deep loneliness after relationships end. And there is a massive pressure: “I need a partner or I won’t survive.”
The Reframe
But if we look at this from an internal, spiritual level, there is a different point here. Loneliness is not necessarily a failure. It is a state where a person can work on themselves without distractions.
Without the projections of dependency.
Without the need to fill their voids through someone else.
Specifically when doing internal work, Solitude becomes an Opportunity. It is the time to prepare yourself to be an open pipe. To be ready for real love.
The Crash
Why is the divorce rate rising? Because people enter relationships without being ripe. They enter from Existential Need, from Fear of Loneliness, from a search for Filling. The result is friction, pain, and disappointment. This doesn’t mean relationship is bad. It means it requires greater internal preparation than in the past.
The Message
Being alone is hard. Sometimes it hurts. But it is not just a state of “Lack.” It is Prep Time. If we are wise enough to use it, then when the connection comes, it can be a Correction (Tikkun), a connection, and a true reflection of the Light. Not a dependency or a crisis.
The Law
Being alone is not a threat. The problem is when we try to avoid loneliness and rush into a connection without preparing ourselves. That is where the divorce rate comes from. “What you do not fix or clarify will go with you into every relationship.”
Translated from the Hebrew Transmissions of Ruth Kedem
ORIYA’S NOTE
We treat being single like a disease. We treat it like a “Waiting Room.” We sit there, tapping our foot, reading magazines, checking our phone, waiting for the doctor (The Partner) to call our name and cure us.
Ruth suggests a different metaphor: The Locker Room. Athletes spend hours alone before the game. Stretching. Focusing. Visualizing. Taping up. They aren’t “lonely.” They are Preparing.
If you walk onto the field without stretching, you will tear a hamstring in the first 10 minutes. That is what most modern relationships are: Two people with torn hamstrings trying to run a marathon together because they were too scared to stretch alone.
The text says: “What you don’t fix goes with you.” If you are insecure alone, you will be jealous together. If you are empty alone, you will be a vampire together. If you are chaotic alone, you will be dramatic together.
Don’t rush out of the locker room. Do the reps. The game will start when you are actually ready to play.