“I won’t bail you out”

That’s what you told me, Abba. (Dad)

We were sitting at the booth at the dinner on 58th, or was it 59th street. Not too far from the Crown Plaza Hotel. It was a busy Thursday early afternoon, I came in for the weekend to run my first Journey Group in the Hamptons.

“would you like a warmup hon?” they union waitresses would ask, holding scolding hot coffee pots, somethings even one in each hand, decaf being the other.

I miss those bottomless coffee mugs. Coffee wasn’t that good, especially if you didn’t add lots of Sugar and Half & Half.

What? what do you mean you’re not going to bail me out? is all I am thinking. No no no, that’s not what I am thinking -

I AM thinking: now what the hell kind of thing is that to say to your son who just told you he found his life’s work? And 48 hours before he shows up for a group of never-met-before wall-street guys to facilitate a consciousness altering session?

Later, you would tell me “My job is to test you”… sure, fine, I guess - but in the moment, it’s a very startling thing to hear over coffee and a lunch breakfast.

Two eggs over easy, buttered toast, with home fries - extra well done. That’s what I miss about New York City Dinners and of course - your presence, Dad.

I flew to New York to do my first New York Group. Did I already mention the Fancy Hamptons?

It felt good to return to NY with the coolest job on the planet. I was definitely Mr. Somebody pretending to be Nobody.

It was only 5 years ago that I fled New York strung out on on prescription Provigil (uppers) for my newly diagnosed Sleep Apnea coupled with my own prescribed pain killers & wine (downers) to be get some sleep.

It was only 5 years ago, on the rainy 2am drive from Memphis to Nashville, that I threw all the pills out of the car window, crying like a baby - vowing to never touch drugs again. Oh well.

This weekend, back in New York - I feel like I finally had become somebody.

Earlier today I met a friend, an old business partner - Tiny Mike. We met just. few blocks away from the Dinner. Mike and I started an Internet Company in the late 90s, while I was still in my last year of High School. We haven’t seen each-other in like 8 years.

“What do you doing now?” Mike asks me as his slurps on Ice Coffee.

I didn’t get the concept of Ice Coffee until many years later when Cold Brew came out. I preferred my dinner hot coffee or a Grande Soy Vanilla Later at FourBucks (Starbucks). Today, I did kind of enjoy a cup with him, he was buying like usual. Still, way too much ice.

“Indigenous Technology for Self-Exploration” I answered him with a twinkle in my eyes.

That’s actually my Teacher’s line. Remember that first training I went to? Just a Four months earlier? that was his actual response when I asked:

“If Oprah invites me to her show and asks me what we do, what shall I answer?”

Indigenous technology for self exploration. F**ken A.

That answer made sense. I have been super tech guy since my days in Yeshiva Atlanta. Things got really tech-serious when I met Tiny Mike. My first (almost) paid consulting gig was to troubleshoot Tiny Mike’s ISDN Internet Line, a beat before DSL came out.

I was there to install one of the first High Speed Internet Access lines in New York City (and possibly the world) - I could tell in my gut what always-on, high-speed internet access was going to do society and consciousness in general, which is why I jumped in head first to start the company with Mike.

Mike also understood, in his gut what Indigenous Technology is. The next evolution in High Tech.

Abba, I must say - you definitely startled me when you told me that you ain’t going go bail me out, it only added fuel to my abandonment issues fire.

It obviously didn’t stop me from moving forward with this new career.

And it also didn’t stop you from bailing me out.